The Big Rusty Lie by Ryan Speck (2008) - full novel

The Big Rusty Lie by Ryan Speck roughly 200 pgs. From the back cover: "Bernardo Walterhaus is a detective on a mission: find a missing heiress that no one else can seem to locate. But this is no ordinary detective. Bernardo Walterhaus is the self-proclaimed "world's greatest detective," on the run from forced imprisonment in the Lombardo Institute For The Mentally Sub-Standard and yearning to save the day. The Mayor of Oberwalz is trying to put him back in the Institute (and wants him dead), his ex-partner hates his guts (and wants him dead), there are mercenaries following him (who want him dead), and he's hours behind everyone else on the case. But that won't stop Bernardo Walterhaus. Armed with cunning wit, tremendous luck, and an unerring ability to find trouble, Bernardo will solve the case with the help of his driver and bodyguard, Ching Dic-Tofon, his favorte cab driver, "Sugah" Brown, and a pack of "Oberwalz's finest," the most vulgar and violent cops you could have on your side. Bernardo will find an unlikely solution, without a clue or a good idea, as long as the mercenaries, gnomes, orderlies, exploding castles, fake Germans, angry competitors, plane crashes, burning office buildings, board meetings, boiling chocolate, fratboys, and criminal masterminds don't get him first." An absurdist hardboiled detective parody in the spirit of Douglas Adams and Max Barry, with a helping of "It's Always Sunny In Philidelphia". I'm releasing my novel on to BitTorrent in the hopes that it'll find an excited audience (as no one else seems to care). I wrote, edited, and produced the book entirely on my own and have made virtually no money from it, but, if you enjoy the novel enough to purchase it, every little bit would help. For more information on the novel and additional short stories (as well as links to where you can buy a copy), please go to ryanspeck.com. Thanks for reading.

udp://tracker.openbittorrent.com:80
udp://open.demonii.com:1337
udp://tracker.coppersurfer.tk:6969
udp://exodus.desync.com:6969