Mr Green's I Grow Chronic (AVI)

The movie, shot on a handheld home video camera in "Beautiful British Columbia," is hosted by Mr. Green, an unsurprisingly mellow man in green body paint, coveralls, a bucket hat, sunglasses, and most disturbingly, green nail polish. Mr. Green wants to teach us all, his willing students, how to grow "dank, fat, sticky nugs." Which sounds a little like a description of fresh dog shit, to me. But I'm not here the judge. For a guy who's obviously smoking a truckload of pot, Mr. Green strikes me as unusually industrious. The movie's shot over a two-month period, in which Green sets up an admirably advanced hydroponics garden in his basement with the aid of simple hardware and home gardening supplies... which prompts me to wonder if the employees at Home Depot and the local plant nurseries know The Pot Guys when they see 'em by their purchasing patterns.... Like lots of orchid potting rocks, but no orchids. Ever. The main thing I learned from this movie was that you don't actually smoke the leaves, despite their symbolic, ubiquitous nature in modern pot culture; you smoke the flowers. Which in retrospect makes perfect sense, since it's called "bud." I guess I'm just that fucking stupid. Another thing: Male plants are bad. They can't be smoked since they don't have flowers, and the pollen they throw off prompts the female plants to stop producing THC (the entire point of smoking pot in the first place) and start producing seeds, which apparently suck. Naturally, Mr. Green raises only females... which leads to some weirdly provocative commentary and behavior on his part. The plants are his "girls" and "ladies." He rubs his face on their leaves, crooning at them suggestively and stroking their stems. Pot also apparently comes in a number of varieties, although the movie never explains the differences between them. Mr. Green, for his part, grows "white widow" and "AK47." It reminds me of the names rose fanciers give their special strains, except without all the gentility. And sobriety. After all, pot strains are named by potheads. And I can't imagine anyone would smoke a strain called "Romantica." Well, maybe. After Mr. Green apologizes to the plants for cutting them down, trimming them, and drying their buds, he smokes some... which isn't actually shown. The lighter inches towards the bong, and the camera cuts away... which seems a little bizarre, given that the man's just grown a shitload of a controlled substance in his cellar, on tape, for everyone to see. The movies closes out with a second reminder that it was shot in British Columbia. I guess Mr. Green's memory ain't what it used to be. Overall, an interesting documentary that hasn't really changed my ideas about marijuana. Personally, I'm for legalization, and would go so far as to have it regulated like alcohol; a small amount of home production allowed for personal use, large-scale manufacture handled by private enterprises, and penalties for driving stoned. But despite its educational intentions, I can't imagine I Grow Chronic would do anything other than thoroughly intimidate the red-eyed couch jockeys out there who haven't got the motivation to so much as change the television channel, never mind find someone to sell them aquarium silicone. Thanks Ironcircus for the review. This Movie is brought to you by Horror i'm seeding till my connection dies so gather round!

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Horrorhouse (2008-11-24)

No questions, No feedback?

jollyjole (2008-12-08)

could it be that for the pot-newbs this the intro video? free the seed

pkunzip_me (2009-03-26)

Kudos to those that continue the seed!

pkunzip_me (2009-03-26)

Oh yeah, thanks the for the torrent brother!

pkunzip_me (2009-03-26)

...would it be rude to ask for a little more gas(b/w)?

Gringoburrito (2009-04-07)

it's really got everything, except for the amount of time to water the plants. He does it 3x/day during daylight hours, but neglects to say what kind of nutrients he uses specifically and how long to water. Everything else is superdope.

Tomijs (2009-04-20)

Thx! Been looking 4 this 4 a while!

kingrza87 (2011-01-05)

mate your description made me piss my pants (not literally, of course). Thanks for this, its much appreciated - especially considering that you don't smoke youself - would be like me seeding gay porn. I dont, of course. Anyway, if anyone in the UK is reading, dont download or try to grow this yourself, just give me a call and i'll deliver. PEACE

Matrixion (2011-03-04)

The nutrients he's using look to be FLORA BLOOM (Red), FLORA GRO (Green), and FLORA MICRO (Brown/Black), All products from General Hydroponics.

anamenobodyelsehas (2012-02-11)

This is a great video if you have never grown indoors before... Another useful title in Jorge Cervantes high times one... all in all the information is pretty accurate except the CO2 part... it cracks me up to see people put co2 in their grow spaces...you know you exhale CO2 right? why do you think gardeners tell you to talk to your plants...
He doesnt get into the difference between Indica and Sativa which for a medical user is important...
as for the nutrients...you can use ANY two or three part nutrient solution... DONT follow directions... ASSUME 30-50% is FULL STRENGTH...you will BURN YOUR BUDS with too much nutrient...harsh smoking...
Peace stoners!